Labor Support for Partners: How to Help Without Hovering

Let’s be real—supporting someone in labor can feel like you’re prepping for a test you didn’t study for, in a language you don’t speak, while the person you love most in the world is doing one of the hardest things ever. (No pressure!)

But here’s the good news: You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to show up. Fully. Kindly. And ideally… not in the way. 😉

If you’re someone’s partner and you want to be helpful—but not overbearing, awkward, or accidentally making it worse—I got you. I love helping partners feel confident in the birth room (and I promise it’s not all about memorizing acupressure points or being a walking birth encyclopedia).

Photo Credit: Jessica Newton Photography

🤲 Be There—Like, Actually There

The most underrated kind of support? Just… being there. Fully present, not scrolling Instagram or nervously rearranging the snack bag.

Ask before jumping in.

“Do you want some water?”

“Would a back rub feel good?”

“Do you want to be left alone for a minute?”

BOOM. Doula-level support energy.

Also, pro tip: If she says nothing but glares at you while in the middle of a contraction, that probably means… not now. We’re learning as we go.

Calm Is Contagious (Even If You’re Faking It a Bit)

Labor can be intense. If things start to feel big or wild, your energy makes a huge difference. You don’t need to pretend everything’s fine—but try to keep a grounded presence. Deep breaths. Gentle tone. Calm face. You are the human-weighted blanket.

Know When to Jump In—and When to Back Off (Lovingly)

Being helpful doesn’t mean constantly doing something. It’s okay to take a beat and observe before diving in. Here’s the cheat sheet:

✅ Step in when:

• She asks for help (even if it’s vague: “Do something!” counts)

• She looks lost or tense and might need grounding

• Comfort measures are your thing and you’ve practiced a little

🚫 Step back when:

• She’s in her groove and doesn’t need you hovering

• The doula/midwife/nurse is doing their thing

• Your gut says, “Maybe just… wait a sec”

Bring the Comfort—Even If You’re Not Totally Sure What You’re Doing

No one expects you to be a professional birth coach. But if you can give a decent shoulder rub or hold a cool cloth to a sweaty forehead, you’re already crushing it.

Here are a few tried-and-true partner moves:

• Hip squeezes (your hands might cramp, but you’ll be a hero)

• Counter-pressure

• Hand to hold (or for her to squeeze. Hard.)

• Helping her into a new position if she’s stuck/uncomfy

• Saying “You’re doing amazing” like you mean it

And if you want to prep ahead (or get some visuals that don’t require YouTube mid-contraction), check out my labor positions book. It’s partner-friendly, picture-heavy, and 100% non-intimidating.

Photo Credit: Mackenzie Thada Photography

Don’t Forget to Take Care of You, Too

This is a marathon, not a sprint. If you’re tired, hungry, or overwhelmed, it’s okay to step out for a moment. That’s why doulas exist! (Hi, it’s me.) I’ll tag in while you catch your breath.

You can’t pour from an empty water bottle. Hydrate. Snack. Pee.

You’re Already Doing Great

You being here, reading this, wanting to do right by your partner? That matters. You don’t have to know every answer. You just have to care—and stay open. The little things are the big things.

Hold the hand. Wipe the forehead. Offer the water. Say “You’ve got this.”

You’re part of the story, and she’ll remember your presence.

Ready to feel more confident supporting your person in labor?

I work with partners all the time to help take the mystery out of labor support. If you want help practicing positions, learning comfort techniques, or just making a game plan so you feel ready—I’d love to work with you.

👉 Check out how I support couples

You’ve got this. And if you don’t, I’ve got you.

A Doula's Guide to Labor Positions

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